Even though this lady is residing in MY house, she may at some time
appear in yours. Be alert!
A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved
into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she
got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she
wasn't there, and the next day she was!
She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most
part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever
I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the
whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is
I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. The least she
could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while,
I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a
sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough.
I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money
from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all
gone! I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the
old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that
money to buy wrinkle cream.
And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to
disappear at an alarming rate -- especially the good stuff like ice cream,
cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better
watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she
realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my
scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.
For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games,
like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so
they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find
anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and
She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my
mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't
read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls
on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She has done other things--like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum
cleaner heavier and all my knob and faucets harder to turn. She even made
my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.
Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away,
applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the
She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something
on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it.
She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me
from seeing how great they look on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong.
She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's
license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of
I hope she never finds out where YOU live